Every marriage experiences conflict.
Why?
Conflict is as old as creation. It has occurred as far back as Adam and Eve blaming each other for taking a bite of the fruit. We actually have inherited their self-centeredness, a desire to be right, a tendency to blame, and a need to control.
Mark and I have been married for 25 years! We are very familiar with conflict. We’ve experienced it and we’ve helped others walk through it. In this world, we will always have conflict.
The goal in marriage is not to be conflict-free but to tackle it in a healthy way.
TRY THESE TIPS!
1. Communicate Clearly and Often
It’s easy to fall into living like “roommates” with the stress and pressures of today’s culture. Between work, zoom meetings, soccer games, doing all the things, it’s easy to fall into “functional communication”. Quickly, we realize we are not even communicating at a deep level anymore. Our relationship becomes superficial.
Continuing in this pattern for too long will produce resentment and frustration until one of us explodes.
That is why it’s so important to be proactive in growing in our communication. We cannot simply just coast and it won’t happen by osmosis.
Instead, schedule an hour a week to debrief with each other on important issues. Be sure to pray together before hand and ask for wisdom and peace in the conversation.
Take turns planning a date night each week simply to be together. Don’t talk about difficult things late at night. You are tired and likely to say something you shouldn’t. Committing to dates nights can make a huge difference in your marriage.
2. Learn How To Disagree
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” James 2:19
We must learn to disagree without projecting on each other. It is possible. It’s important for us as a couple, and it’s crucial for the model we are setting for our kids.
Respect is a character trait we desperately need to restore in our homes and our world.
3. Ask Forgiveness and Forgive
Making the decision to forgive and ask forgiveness is a game changer in your marriage. It’s also one of the hardest things to do sometimes. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to go to my husband (and to a child) to apologize.
I have learned that we go to one another asking for forgiveness not out of feelings but out of obedience.
God has called us to ask for forgiveness and to grant it. Feelings take time to be healed, and trust takes time to be restored, but the healing can’t begin until we go to one another.
4. Beware of the Enemy’s Tactics
There have been times when Mark and I can be just sitting in the kitchen chatting when we quickly find ourselves in a huge argument out of nowhere.
These are the times when we need to use discernment to bring light to what may be happening. The simple step of recognizing the enemy’s desire for division and praying against it can prevent further conflict.
Be alert to this in your marriage.
5. Remember God is On Your Side
Most of us will go through hard times that can really impact our marriage. During these times, we either come together, or we’ll be pulled apart.
We have to remember that God is FOR our marriage. He is the glue that will hold us together.
If you are in a hard place in your marriage that you cannot seem to get past, get help. Spend time with those who will encourage you to move towards each other, rather than those who might encourage otherwise.
We have experienced healing in our own marriage, as well as so many others, simply because we made the decision to get help and support.
Remember, “Nothing is impossible for God”!
He can heal your marriage.
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